The Aftereffects of The Satanic Panic

A Ministry Moment.

Everything in these two crates is by Troll Lord Games with the exception of the Dark Sun reprint.

Most of what is currently in my library are new to newer games or reprints and clones of some older stuff.

My old library consisted of the following:

AD&D 2nd Edition Player’s Handbook

Monstrous Manual

Introduction to AD&D 2E Box

Kingdom of Karameikos

Glantri: Kingdom of Magic

Mark of Amber

Vampire The Masquerade core book, player’s guide

Vampire The Requiem

Wraith The Oblivion (buncha books from that one)

Mage The Ascension

D&D 3E Dungeon Master’s Guide

…that’s really it.

Where I lived, there were no gaming stores. Getting down to the closest city meant a 45 minute drive, you had to make a day of it. It didn’t occur to me to shop online at the time.

I was gatekept by people around me growing up, though somewhat unsuccessfully.

There were things that happened during The Satanic Panic of the 80s & 90s that kept many solutions from my young mind in my 20s. It also helped that I didn’t have a group until a co-worker found out I loved tabletop RPGs and invited me to his D&D 3.5 game.

When I lost my small, modest library in the move 1,300 miles away, it still hadn’t occurred to me that the landscape was wide open. It was a glass ceiling moment for me. Now, my library is bigger than ever and what you see is only a small part of it.

The problem with moral panics is that they are designed to demoralize you, because they’re not based in fact, they’re based in emotions. Someone feels a certain way about things. They have a very extreme position, whether political, religious or social, sometimes all three and any attempt to debunk the rhetoric is met with circular logic, if any exists and designed to make an enemy of the person who stands against the rhetoric. They’re faced with exile, isolation or worse.

So once that’s gone and the person is vindicated many years later, there’s an inclination on the part of the person who has been oppressed by that moral panic to realize that they can move freely now…only sometimes, that doesn’t happen.

I didn’t go back until video games had been mostly a let-down. By the time I did, I was looking into every game and system that I possibly could.

Looking back, I realize why I didn’t immediately jump back in. I was aware there were avenues now but I hesitated to take them.

Understand that I grew up in a small town in the Deep South. Today, there are people that say things like “You could have just ordered Palladium Fantasy through the mail back in those days.”

True, I also needed a check. Who was going to write it? I didn’t have a bank account at the time. I only had cash which means I needed a cashier’s check or a personal check. No one would write it for me. Gatekeeping by adults was a real thing. They wanted to know what it was I was ordering and why. It was far easier for me to covertly purchase books or materials, hide them in the car and then bring them in when no one was looking and destroy the receipt. Living under that kind of restriction can have that kind of effect on the mind.

When I found that I could get just about anything I wanted to play, I did.

The only terrible thing about the games that I have is not that I can’t get them all but that I missed out on so much and I missed quite a lot of historical moments in my favorite form of gaming.

That is the part that bothers me quite a bit. Why did I let a fear that no longer existed dominate my desire to play these games? Why did I settle for video games instead?

It could be argued that I just moved on and that would be fair, however, I’d be lying if I didn’t say part of it was fear of a threat that didn’t exist where I now lived anymore. Granted, that was an underlying fear, one that I was most likely unaware of until I looked back on it all. It happens.

The fact of the matter here is that, thanks to the Internet, it’s all open now and that’s a great thing.

Having the library of fun and interesting games at my fingertips and on my shelves has helped strengthen bonds between friends. I’ve had the time of my life even with my worst sessions. There’s a seat for every bottom, even if that bottom isn’t mine.

16.   An unwise man

thinks he’ll live forever

if only he can avoid a fight,

but old age

will give him no peace,

even if weapons do.

Crawford, Jackson. The Wanderer's Havamal (p. 42). Hackett Publishing Company, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Unfortunately for me, I avoided many fights but one and that’s why I don’t move as quickly as I do these days. I can sympathize with pro wrestlers past their prime after putting their bodies through the equivalent of car crashes every night. The point to this particular stanza of The Havamal is that you can spend your life avoiding battles but eventually, even old age will get you and, with that in mind, what did you stand for, if anything?

It’s another stanza that becomes a constant reminder of some advice my dad once gave me…

15.   A noble man should

be silent, thoughtful,

and bold in battle.

But every man should also

be cheerful and happy,

till the inevitable day of death.

Crawford, Jackson. The Wanderer's Havamal (p. 41). Hackett Publishing Company, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

People are going to be out there doing nothing but making you miserable because they’re the ones that are miserable and your unhappiness is the only thing giving them a spot of happiness in their own lives. I say, if they’re out to make you miserable, they’re going to do that anyway and it’s up to you to at least have some happiness in your own life.

The mental damage that those people did to me a long time ago is overshadowed every time I walk past those crates and when I look up at my desk hutch and pull a book or pull up my folder on my hard drive to look something up. In those moments of looking things up or running games, I’m happy. I am genuinely happy.

I would ditch any and all cannabis use right this second if my days were filled with running games for people for a living and I could actually earn a living doing it. Nothing tops that feeling for me.

When those sessions are going or I have my eyes in the pages of one of those books, I’m not here! I’m out there in Aihrde, out in space helping survey a planet, in modern day with any number of things happening, hey, solo gaming is a thing and, for a little while, I can just go off into those worlds for a little while and when it’s over, I’m smiling, happy, reminiscing. It’s pretty great. When people get me down, I can do that some days and there we go, they don’t matter. They’re forgotten. It’s a mental vacation for me on top of my meditations.

With all that being said, this isn’t an article that promotes the type of gaming I do, however, if you’re interested, there are recommendations I could make based on the genre you love the most. My point to typing all of this out is to remind us that fear can have unhealthy effects.

In the last several years, I’ve seen people expressing sentiment that it needs to come back, the moral panic, that is.

The difference between the Panic of old and the panic of today is that we do, understandably, have people seeing “devils” and “demons” everywhere, all the while discounting the evil motivations of people. It’s far easier to prove criminal wrongdoing by those elected into positions that make attempts at ruling us as our betters. Likewise, there are people out there that are evil, vengeful, petty, spiteful with, let’s face a fact, complete dogshit for souls and they want a bad guy to justify their position and that bad guy will always be you, no matter how much you struggle to disprove them. You never will.

The way one of these people wins is by ensuring you’re as miserable as they are. Deny them that altogether. Keep them what they are; losers. Nothing more.

Even with all of that, you need to be aware that you need to be well-read, well-spoken, command that respect and yes, your objections can be polite until you’re pushed to the point where polite does not work. Do what you can to de-escalate. Bombard them with questions, if you can. Mostly, they’ll be unable to answer them but be ready to answer them yourself and keep the ideologue on topic.

If you’re assigned the role of their enemy, dismiss them. They have no import in your life. You can only control your own life. You absolutely cannot control anyone else’s. You cannot control what the world around you does. Take care of your own life.

The one thing you’ll never have to fear from people who respect you is that they’ll never ask you to start giving up things about your life in order to fit what is honestly, their own world view. Your own decisions based on what you spiritually do or do not believe are your own.

Like any of the books in my library, the important thing isn’t really possessing them but reading them and comprehending what it is you read.

The ultimate choice that is up to you is whether or not you choose to see yourself as victim or victor.

Make that decision very wisely.